Bearing Witness

At the moment I am really enjoying the idea of being a witness to difficult emotions. I think the word ‘witness’ is a really helpful frame for us as we think about how to interact with uncomfortable emotions such as sadness, anger, fear or despair.

Although being a witness is most often associated with the justice system or other legal structures (e.g. we witness a crime, an accident or a signature) - we all witness a great many things every day, whether it’s formalised or not. What we witness can often change us, it shapes our world view and our understanding of people and of the way things are.  

To be a witness means to have seen something, with one’s own eyes. Witnessing is an observational experience. There is memory, at least in part, of the witnessed event or action, there is an account that can be given. If something is witnessed, it is considered to be more real or more true than something that wasn’t. Witnessing, therefore, is a type of validation, a way to authenticate what is happening or has happened.

One doesn’t have to have experienced something to be witness to it. Witnessing, even though it often impacts us directly, isn’t necessarily an interactive experience. Even though bearing witness to something is often a catalyst for future decision or action, the definition of a witness is someone who is watching on. Someone who is seeing, not changing, what is happening in that moment.

In Western culture, our innate response when we encounter hard-to-feel emotions is rarely one of a witness. Usually, we respond to emotional discomfort in ways more akin to a repairperson, a teacher or a magician. We like to interact with these difficult feelings in ways that allow us to fix, alter, educate or divert the discomfort…or even make them disappear (our favourite).

But what would it look like if we practiced bearing witness to emotional pain?

What if we observed sadness, anger, fear or despair and simply gave an account?

“I see that you are sad.”

“I can tell that you are afraid.”

“I have knowledge of your despair.”

What if we validated these emotions, authenticating their existence and their presence in our lives and the lives of our loved ones? What if we responded in ways that reiterated to the person feeling the discomfort that their experience is real, it is happening, it is true?

“This makes sense.”

“This is as bad as it feels right now.”

“This feeling is important and right.”

There is power in bearing witness to emotional pain. Let us see firsthand and know the truth of things together. It helps.

From one witness to another,

K.